A month ago today I joined the statistics of those who have "suffered miscarriage".
We have all been doing well.
It's impossible for me not to ever think about it.
I had really looked forward to another summer baby.
Perhaps it's mostly because of the fact that Monty was still working nights when Kayela was born and I was back in the barn full time by the time she was 8 wks old, milking alone because he was gone, bundling two little people up and trekking across our yard and road while lugging a carseat, hearing both wailing after a long night and trying to get done asap... that my memories of a winter baby aren't real positive. :)
I can't help but remember from time to time that I would've have been feeling my baby by now; in a few weeks I would've started wearing maternity dresses.
In fact, we had just bought material for a new one 2 days before it started. It now sits in a drawer...
I am so far from perfect but if there is one thing I/we have learned over the years, it's that you can never improve on God's design. My confidence is in Him. He is unchanging, so holy, so GOOD; working in ways behind the scenes that we'll never fully understand this side of eternity. I am learning to look at the changes in life as part of His plan, a writing of our story. We were put here to bring. Him. glory. Nothing else. Envying someone else's story isn't an option. In fact I've come to see we all have our own burdens and I don't want someone else's! It certainly works best to approach life's hurts and questions, even our goals and plans, with a, how can I bring the Lord glory thru this?, attitude than to fight in one's hearts about it. Really though, isn't it amazing that a God who placed us here to glorify Him, has also said He "works everything for OUR good" also! He has a big job!!
Thanks to our years of infertility struggles, oh the pain! It still feels fresh in my mind! And the examples of people who have lived for God thru HARD stuff (my favorite books being those of believers during World War 1 and 2 -"Evidence Unseen" is tops-, persecuted countries and missionary stories like Peace Child), my confidence in a perfect God is sure. Over and over again I could see how His hand was in the tiny details of such impossible situations. Even in the thick of unspeakable heartache His plan was at work - and in time He brought healing to those heart wounds. He will not leave us comfortless.
It. is. not. our. place. to. question. God.
It truly pains me when people start dragging my God into, Why doesn't He stop this, or that?? You'd think He could do something about all the evil in this world. How can He "just sit there and do nothing?" Do not blame God! He has given us all free will and choice. If He steps in in "those" situations, then you'd best expect Him to be God in your choices to! Honestly, if you think He should bring swift judgement to evil people and keep innocent souls from their destruction, what should stop Him from the rest of us?? None of us are good enough on our own to face a holy God.
If you were to ask a "survivor" of some abuse or tragedy who has found healing thru Christ they would also tell you:
He HAS!!
He did do something and He's not done.
He has made beautiful provision for the filth and dirt of our sin, even the effects of others sinful choices on us. Our hearts can be and FEEL CLEAN!!
Oh! the real tragedy is in not having Someone to go to for the healing they/we so desperately need!
How much worse to live with a hopeless, worthlessness through all of life!
Anyway, if you're still reading (!), all this to say, my thoughts have been much on life, our finite plans, the endless questions and second guessing people are so prone to do towards the Lord, His goodness through it all - what wondrous love and patience!
Do we not want our little people to be quick to obey, not answering again and just trust that we really do know best when we ask them to do something they may not see the importance of? Oh, for a heart that trusts our "Daddy" completely when we can't see the broader picture.
Thanks for listening. 💟
