Adoption: Our Story

When we married in April 2008 we wanted our home to be filled with children. Instead we faced 18 months of disappointment, heartache and tears. 

The grief was crushing.

We were so excited, yet afraid to hope, when we finally found out we were expecting. It felt so unreal. Our daughter was born at home in August 2010 - 12 days late! How we soaked up every moment - and still remember every detail. I always had this feeling it wouldn't be easy "next time" but never dreamed it would go THIS long! The pain the first time around paled in comparison to having to relive the pain again with the added knowledge of knowing what we were missing and watching our girlie grow up all alone and be lonely. Everyone around you, no matter how much some may love their children, take biological children SO for granted - their comments, the single-mindedness of their conversation topics... Not all of us think the only thing to talk about is having babies and what their baby is doing. Sigh. Who cares who's pregnant AGAIN!!! 

Please don't get offended if we don't react with exuberance over your news. It often feels like salt added to a wound at first.

 Like someone said, when we talk to unmarried friends we don't go on and on about our spouse and how much fun we have together. But no one seems to think that maybe we need to be understanding around those who have empty aching arms. And please don't just assume its the way they want it. Statistics show that infertility is on the rise and everyone who walks the road at one time or other feels it very, very deeply. 

I had to come to a point when I finally just gave it so completely into the hands of the Giver of life. I had tried to give it up often over the years. But my prayer was more of a "take this desire away if I'm not meant to have children!!" and I built protective walls around me, trying to avoid the pain as others seemed to float through life without a clue how blessed they were not to have this agony....  I could not physically handle the pain. At times it hurt so bad through my very core and I'd sob all curled up. One such day, in February 2013, finally became the last. My prayer changed to, "Father! Please help me walk through the times it hurts! I can't carry this load!" Oh, the peace that finally became mine! No, the longing for children is still there and, yes, it still has a measure of pain, but never again has the grief so consumed me! Comments still smart and we still don't usually thrill at new pregnancies or babies but we feel God's grace on us as we face those mountains time and time again. 

Truly, we have come to see that we all have a story being written and its our desire and endeavor to be content with and allow our all-knowing Father to write ours. Most of us experience pain or loss in life. Infertility and giving up a dream is a huge loss, but it isn't the biggest loss in life.

Sometimes I feel like crying, and very infrequently I do cry, when I feel the missing so keenly but it's not that wanting-to-die kind of crying.  Please give us room to grieve. I had someone tell me those times of grief was an attack of the devil and I needed to claim victory over it. I beg to differ. It is no different than living through a death month after month. We don't tell people grieving over the loss of a loved one to get a grip and get over it. When they grieve to the point of not being able to function, yes, there is need for victory. But there is a time to work through those things and there will always be a missing. 

"There is a time to weep, and a time to rejoice."

We need grace and understanding.

Monty always was open to adoption. I always loved adoption and thought maybe 'someday' but was slower to give up 'hope' for a bio. Which isn't really truly given up (there's always that desire, too) but I got excited about adoption in February 2014. I had read A Child to Call My Own  and began to see adoption as part of God's plan for us. Not an alternate route we were considering because we faced a road block. Adoption was God's plan and it's beautiful. There is no doubt in our minds we have an abundant amount of love to pour on any child God puts in our home. 

LONG story short: We (I!) spent much of February - September sorting out and learning all our options. We finally settled on our agency's Interstate and Agency Infant programs after a couple other doors closed and felt like this was where God wanted us.

We are hoping we'll be homestudy approved by the end of the month. 

We will be able to adopt in or out of state, whether it's an infant or a young sibling group and will be able to adopt out of foster care if something opened up there. We keep an eye on the waiting children lists online.

We plan to stay under Doretha's age. We kind of have a picture of 1-3 children - twins would be fun!! We have no ethnicity preference.

If we get enough interest and support, we would like to have a sale or silent auction to raise funds for the fees involved. It's humbling for both of us to tell people we need financial help this way yet so many people who adopt have had to do it and it's possible to cover all the costs through donations. We expect around $15,000 if we stick to just our agency. It is appealing to use an out-of-state agency also to expand our connections but then we're looking at $20,000-$30,000. God knows where our child(ren) are and will show us which way to go and provide the means to get there so we'll play that by ear. Please see the donation info on the right of the home page.

We will keep you posted on any plans and dates for a fund raiser.

Doretha

Doretha is our treasured blessing.
She was named for both of our special Grandma's that never got to see her.

She turned 4 this year and started K4 in August. She certainly has her moments or days when she'd rather play but, overall, she loves school and does well. We are using a DVD program at home.

She's excited to be learning her letters, especially. She gets so excited seeing letters and blends everywhere we go.

She can be shy but is friendly and outgoing most of the time. While she loves being independent, she can be very dependent and wants to be held and cuddled. She is sweet and lovey yet a little snip all-in-one! It has been said she is like her mother :-} But I think her mother is maturing with age ;-)

Her interests are predominantly in her animals and BABIES! She's an excellent mother to her dollies and goes all gushy over the real thing. Here she is loving on a little friend visiting us from GA:

She held this little girlie from church for a good half hour - whispering to me every detail of her wiggles and noises - until she finally said, "Her little behind is hurting my arm." :-)

She prays daily for siblings, especially babies. She thinks we need a boy and girl baby. ;-)

She has no lack of critters from a tortoise, fish, guinea pigs, rabbits, chickens, ducks, a borrowed donkey, ponies, cows, calves,

pygmy goats,

pigs,

kitties,

dogs,

this puppy at Grandpa Hustads,

to her miniature horse, Kenny.

She loves to name everything. We have calves named Bumble Bee & Turkey, kittens named Sausage & Humpetty Umpetty, a duck named Ducky Duddle and guinea pigs named Turnip and Buffalo.

And we must tell how she loves to help in the kitchen and cleaning,

and with chores.
She likes bringing cows up to the milking parlor,

 and helping milk.

Plus feeding calves.

 Even when it means learning there's no need to cry over split milk. :-)

This girl is not afraid to get dirty:

Can you tell we're proud of this girl?!!

Sarah

Sarah was raised in a Christian home also. Her father is a drywall finisher. Her days were spent pretty much carefree as she spent the majority of her days running through the woods with her younger brother. She is the oldest of 5 living siblings (and a stillborn sister).

She has always had a love for animals and wanted to live on a farm. She got her dream and still loves it! There is satisfaction in putting in a long, hard days work. She loves caring for her family. Laundry is her favorite chore!!
Among her lists of interests she enjoys reading, writing, drawing, piano, sewing, singing, swimming, camping, gardening,

 flowers, her family, taking pictures, scrap booking and keeping house.
There aren't many pictures of her as she is usually the one behind the camera. :-)

Her personality could be described as friendly but shy. She would rather sit quietly in a crowd and observe than be in the middle of it. She can be fun, as this picture of a chalk-man she drew shows:

and quick witted at home or around those she knows well. She tends to be serious yet is loving and caring and affectionate with her family.

Sarah absolutely loves children and being a mother and aches to have her arms filled again. It hurts to hear and see the longing of a little girl who gets lonely for little playmates. There is only so much of that void a parent can fill. Recently Doretha broke down in tears, saying, "I just want a little friend to play with me! I don't like being lonely!...." :'(  In the mean time she and Doretha enjoy baking and cleaning together, as well as cuddling with a story or making a craft, when they aren't working at school or doing chores together.

Monty

Monty was raised in a Christian family on a dairy farm. He is the second oldest of 10 children. A love for farming and cows is thick in his blood! 

He could be described as a visionary. He is full of dreams and goals for our family and farm, and works very hard toward those goals. He is also sociable and outgoing, loving and caring and I must say romantic! ;-)

 He's single-mindedly  devoted to his family. He loves children. He even enjoyed tenderly rocking a little girl I occasionally babysit when she was a baby. He likes taking our daughter, Doretha, with him when he can and doing things with her. He expects good behavior yet he's a softy. ;-) He is extremely patient.

Monty showing Doretha how to use a prep display at World Dairy Expo 2014. Expo is our highlight every year. :-)

You could say Monty is a jack of all trades. He has experience with dairy and crop farming, animal health; vet work, feeding cows on a large dairy for 3 years, mechanics, electrical, construction, drywall finishing, concrete finishing, wood work, pallet shop, worked at a creamery and has sheared sheep 12 years now. He was filmed shearing, in the video above, for a regular client a couple years ago. Doretha and I are in the background.
Below are some typical pictures on a shearing day.

We have a semi, from the company we ship to, come about 4 or so times a year to pick up wool bags.

This fall the trailer was so full they used the skidsteer to hold the doors shut to latch them!

 


There's not much he can't do or hasn't tried!

Welcome to our blog!

We had originally thought we'd blog about our adoption to keep family and friends up-to-date but our life is so much more than just adoption.

So this will probably turn more into an online diary!

We hope you will enjoy keeping up with us, our farm, our family, our adoption and life in general.

The plan is to start off with descriptions of all three of us and explain where we are at in our adoption process. We hope to get our info out as widely as we can as one never knows what or where a connection may come from by way of an infant or a younger sibling group.

We will try to complete our pages with pictures and give as clear a picture into our lives as possible and try to keep it interesting so we don't completely bore you!

Please pass our blog info on to as many as you can and spread the word for us!

Thank you so much!!